Fast Food Kiosks Expected to Work Perfectly, Eliminate Lots of Jobs

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For the millions of people who dread going to a fast food restaurant because of the need to talk to another human being in order to order food, they will no longer have any reason to worry. Kiosks will be made available in all Wendy’s restaurants, with other franchises to follow, totally eliminating the need for cashiers, as machines are flawless and easy-to-operate so there will be no problems.

Philip DeMarco, a 76-year-old frequent patron of fast food establishments despite the advice of his doctor, was thrilled about this development. “It’s really exciting,” he said. “First of all, it’s a change, and I love change. I think all people my age do. Plus, I don’t hear as good as I used to, and sometimes when I make my order and the girl at the counter says it back to me, I’m not sure if she got it right. But computers  always work great and they never make mistakes, so all I need to do is press the buttons and give it my credit card information – which I am very comfortable with – and then I’ll be able to get my burger without talking to anyone.”

Diana Blake, a 34-year-old single mother of three, was similarly enthusiastic. “Ordering at the counter is always such a nightmare,” she said. “My kids are always running around or shouting and sometimes fighting with each other, probably because they’re bored. But now that there’s a kiosk, I’ll be able to make it a game it with them and have them press the buttons for what they want. Only Jayden, that’s my six-year old, the others are four and three, is able to read or even see the screen, but I should be able to lift the other ones up and show them what to press. Should be so much easier than the old way.”

Not only is this good for the customers, but it could also be good for the cashiers. According to someone who asked not to be named or described, “When these cashiers are no longer burdened with these minimum-wage jobs, they will be able to go back to school and learn how to do something which will contribute to society. Perhaps some sort of office work in a law firm, which is so much more important than making sure people get their food, especially now that there are machines to do it for them.”

So there you have it. Lots of cashiers are going to lose their jobs because of these machines, and it’s totally going to be good for everyone.


*Editor’s note: What was once called “TotesRealNews” is now “SuchRealNews.” The news is just as real as it always was, and where it says “Totesreal” in the text this can be mentally replaced with “suchreal” or “veryreal” or left as it is. But due to the high journalistic integrity of SuchRealNews, and definitely not laziness, all references to the previous name within articles will remain unchanged.

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