Exclusive Account of Donald Trump’s Audition for The Voice

Prairie Dog, Singing, Musical Rodent

This prairie dog probably sings better than Donald Trump


The Internet – Donald Trump took time out from his campaign schedule last February to audition for the TV show The Voice. The footage of this audition was briefly made available by hackers opposed to Vladimir Putin, and has since been hidden and possibly destroyed, but it was visible for just long enough for TotesRealNews to take a look and make a report.

The audition began with the four judges, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton and Alicia Keys and Miley Cyrus, facing away from the stage as they listened to one of the best voices they had ever heard in their lives. This was a pure voice, a powerful voice, so powerful it gave the impression of singing in stereo. And this voice was doing an a capella rendition of “We Are The Champions” which sounded like a spot-on impression of Freddie Mercury.

The judges turned around to see Donald Trump standing there, grinning, with his phone in his hand, prompting Adam Levine to tell him this is a show for actual singing with voices, not for playing recordings on your phone, (for which the licensing could be extremely expensive), and promising to fire whatever producer gave the okay to this audition. But since he was here, they could edit out the first part of the audition in post-production if Mr. Trump would actually sing.

Donald Trump insisted his phone was a part of him, like an extra limb he used to send his “wisdom” to the rest of the world, but the judges weren’t buying it, and they said he could either respect the format, or leave with no chance of the audition ever making it to air. Then Trump claimed he would sing really soon, and he would sing great, and he would sing the best song in the best way, but he never actually sang anything. Then Miley Cyrus said he was a disgrace to America, and Trump’s response made his comments to Megyn Kelly seem positively civil and loving.

After that, Mr. Trump was gently led off the stage and the audition was over. It will never be shown on-air, or on the internet, and the judges were all so visibly upset by the experience it’s unlikely any will be willing to talk about it. It is also believed that due to the incredibly offensive nature of Donald Trump’s comments to Miley Cyrus, even the Trump team thought this should never make it into the public’s knowledge, so all involved parties signed an addendum to the non-disclosure agreement specifying the time period of not talking about the incident would now be defined as “forever.”

Nonetheless, in spite of the lack of any concrete evidence whatsoever, this totally happened.


*Editor’s note: What was once called “TotesRealNews” is now “SuchRealNews.” The news is just as real as it always was, and where it says “Totesreal” in the text this can be mentally replaced with “suchreal” or “veryreal” or left as it is. But due to the high journalistic integrity of SuchRealNews, and definitely not laziness, all references to the previous name within articles will remain unchanged.

One thought on “Exclusive Account of Donald Trump’s Audition for The Voice

  1. Pingback: Leaders in disguise | From guestwriters

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s