Auditions Held For Secretary of Humor

Melon, Watermelon, Pulp, Red, Section

The Internet – The Trump Administration is creating a new Cabinet post, the Secretary of Humor, in order to oversee a department dedicated to determining what jokes out there are deserving of the Trump Seal of Approval, and which are not. This way, President Trump will know which comedians and comedy programs he should be attacking on Twitter, and which he should be praising, without having to do any research.

The original plan was to make the audition an open one, but last Saturday the line around Trump Tower stretched several blocks as hundreds of aspiring comedians showed up due to the promise of a potentially lucrative opportunity, or possibly for the chance to heckle Donald Trump to his face. No one got that chance, however, as they cancelled open auditions and made it invite-only, to be held on Saturday, December 10th.

Out of the dozens receiving invitations, most refused, often citing a desire to do absolutely anything which didn’t involve working for Donald Trump. Several refusals prompted angry tweets from the president-elect, such as this one:

One of the few who accepted the invitation was Yakov Smirnoff, whose association with Russia likely led the Trump Team to believe he might be the idea Secretary of Humor. During the audition, he was pressed to do a Russian reversal despite telling the Trump Team those were never a big part of his act. However, they kept insisting, so he said “In Soviet America, joke tells you.” When asked to explain what he meant, Smirnoff said “Joke tells you what is funny, joke tells you what is American, joke tells you what is great. Joke is elected president.”

Smirnoff is no longer under consideration for the Secretary of Humor position, but he is under strong consideration to be sent to a Midwestern gulag in January.

At press time, the Trump Team was reported to be deciding between Larry the Cable Guy and Gallagher. Most likely, the new Secretary of Humor will be Gallagher. Which probably makes the United States of America a watermelon.





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