Haunted Manger With Turkey Ghosts Set To Open

If you’re not ready for the holiday season, it’s time to get ready because the most holiday-filled holiday attraction in the history of holiday commercialization is about to open. It will use what used to be a large barn on a farm which had to close due to trade wars, and it will have the appearance of a nativity scene manger, complete with lots of hay and animatronic Baby Jesus and Mary & Joseph and the Three Wise Men.

There are also dozens of robotic talking turkeys walking around and haunting the place.

While the Haunted Manger doesn’t open until October 1st, Heck Yes News was able to take a tour and listen to some of the things the turkey ghosts were saying. Here are a couple of highlights:

 

  • I am the ghost of Squanto, who is famous for facilitating the first Thanksgiving feast. But you will call yourself squinto when I am done with your eyes. Gobble gobble.
  • I was Bartolomeo De Las Casas, who deserves to be honored with a holiday much more than Columbus. But now that I’m an angry turkey ghost, you should call me De Las Caras because I am going to gobble faces.

 

The Ghost Turkey Manger opens October 1st in the place where it is. Heck Yes News would say where that is, but that is too much like an ad. A sponsored post. Which this is not. Their manager could have said something like “We have a couple of hundred dollars we could use for advertising. Please do us a favor and tell people where we are when you write about us.” That would have made it crystal clear that they wanted to make a deal, but they didn’t do that. Maybe you can work something out with Google to get this information.

Probably not, though. Any matching results will be purely coincidental.

Muhammad Ali Not Planning to Return as Vengeful Ghost

 

Punch, Boxing, Fight, Fighting, Sports

The Internet – Muhammad Ali, the legendary boxer and activist who passed away last Friday after a long battle with Parkinson’s disease, is not planning to return to this earthly plane to unleash fists of fury on those who disrespected him or the causes he fought for.

He is not going to creep up to your bed in the middle of the night, say: “I glide like a cheetah, box like a kangaroo, and now I will hit you, because that’s the right thang to do,” and then hit you with surprisingly solid ghost fists. No matter how terrible the things you said may have been.

The ghost of Muhammad Ali will not move through your bathroom door and then tell you: “I fought for my rights like I fought in the ring, and now I’ll kick your throne because I’m the true king.” And not just because the metaphor is at least a little bit unclear. He won’t say it because he won’t be kicking your throne, no matter how much you deserve it.

You won’t have to call Kristen Wiig and whoever else is in that movie to save you, because if you need saving it won’t be from a pugilist poltergeist. Which is fortunate, because busting Muhammad Ali’s ghost would be rather unpopular.

Finally, he will not be telling you: “I was the greatest, now I’m the greatest spirit, and I still pack a punch, you don’t want to be near it” and then show you first-hand why you don’t want to be near his punch. It’s not going to happen.

Probably not going to happen.