Bears Shot Near Own Home, Girl Rescued

Bear, Animals, Nature


A small child wandered into the woods by herself, and somehow the story didn’t end without something awful happening.

The girl, who has blond hair and terrible parents, found her way into a forest this past weekend with no sign of her parents looking for her within a reasonable amount of time, and since this girl has no sense of respecting the privacy or personal space of others, she found a house with an unlocked door and then walked inside.

When she  got inside, most likely because her parents neglected to feed her breakfast, the girl went straight to the kitchen and then started eating food clearly meant for others. Not only did she finish an entire bowl of porridge, but she ate part of two other bowls, thus rendering two uneaten breakfasts unfit for consumption.

The girl, whose name has been withheld in order not to embarrass her family, even though her family totally deserves the embarrassment, then attempted to sit in a chair to watch television, thus adding to the electric bill for the unfortunate family whose home she invaded. But this girl, who will likely need special attention in school to improve her depth perception, sat in a chair which was obviously way too big before breaking a tiny one and then sticking around in a comfortable seat to watch maybe five minutes of cartoons before starting to feel tired.

Of course she felt tired. Messing up someone else’s house is hard work. So she went up to the bedroom, and after continued difficulty figuring out which bed best matched her body size, she took a nap.

During the nap, the house’s owners returned. This house belonged to a small family of talking bears, who were obviously upset about their eaten food and broken chair, and they were loud enough in expressing their displeasure for the girl to wake up. By the time the bears found the girl, they were no longer as angry, having realized if this girl got in so easily then this was a wake-up call for them to ¬†install locks in the house. And if they adopted her, the baby could have the big sister he’d otherwise never be able to have.

This conversation was quickly interrupted by sirens blaring throughout the forest. The girl had told a neighbor she wanted to go to the forest by herself some day soon, so the search party eventually made its way there, thus scaring the bears, prompting them to go outside, children in arms, to see what all the noise was about.

As the crowd got more hostile, the bears because agitated, growling and striking threatening poses to express willingness to defend themselves, but they were not able to defend themselves against the bullets which hit all three bears, including the baby.

The details to this story are only available because the girl filmed her entire adventure on her phone, which her parents gave her instead of attention. The blond-haired girl could not be reached for comment, as she is currently undergoing intensive therapy with a trauma specialist.