Trump Gets Psych Eval From Dr. Bornstein

The Internet – The long-awaited psychiatric evaluation of Donald Trump is finally here, and it comes from an actual medical professional. And not just any medical professional, but the president’s own personal doctor, Harold Bornstein. And TotesRealNews has obtained exclusive access to the ¬†main text of the letter summarizing the evaluation, which can be read in its entirety in this article.

Here is the letter:

To Whom It May Concern:

I have just completed an extensive mental health evaluation of Donald J. Trump, and his mental health is tremendous. Believe me, he is about as mentally healthy as a person can be. I tested him for all the major mental health disorders, and the results were overwhelmingly negative. This is a good thing, because it means he doesn’t have mental health problems.

First of all, Donald Trump does not have autism. It is mind-boggling why anyone would think Donald Trump has autism. You would have to be some sort of ridiculous person to suggest that Donald Trump has autism. This is a man who thrives on personal interactions, someone who looks other people in the eye right before making great deals, so of course there is no way that Donald Trump has autism. He is so far from having autism that there is no conceivable way either Donald Trump or any of his children could have anything even resembling autism.

He was also tested for paranoid schizophrenia, and not only is he not schizophrenic but he is not paranoid at all. It is not paranoia when your many enemies are truly out to get you, especially when those enemies are Alec Baldwin and Rosie O’Donnell and the New York Times. It is also impossible to have delusions of grandeur in Mr. Trump’s case, since he truly is the greatest person in the world.

It is strange the psychiatric community would be so concerned about such a thing, but there is nothing disorderly about Donald Trump’s personality when it comes to border lines. He has personally been very clear on border lines. They should be very strong, especially with Mexico. And the order is clear: the American people pay for the wall, the wall gets built, and then Mexico pays the American people back. So it would be preposterous to say Donald Trump has borderline personality disorder.

Donald Trump also does not have bipolar disorder. There is nothing bi about Donald Trump or his pole. He is all about the ladies, and you can hear all about it on the tapes from the Howard Stern Show, but it would be better if you took my word for it and didn’t listen to those tapes. Unless bipolar disorder means something completely different, there is absolutely no way Donald Trump has it. Especially since he doesn’t have any real psychiatric problems.

Attention deficit disorder is not a real problem. It was fabricated as part of a conspiracy between psychiatrists and drug companies in order to keep kids medicated. And since it is not a real thing, Donald Trump cannot be suffering from it.

Narcissistic personality disorder also is not real.¬†It was named after a made-up person from a made-up religion no one even follows anymore, and if no one believes in that religion then no one should believe in the fake psychological problem made up because of that religion. And even if it were real, because Donald Trump is so beloved by everyone with any sense, there would be something wrong with him if he wasn’t also in love with himself. So no disorders here.

There you have it. If you believe this letter which this totally legitimate website says was written by a gastroenterologist in order to summarize President Trump’s psychiatric condition, and believe it at face value without reading between the lines, then you should believe the president’s mental state is nothing to worry about. And if you find yourself being skeptical, then perhaps you need to make an appointment to get treated for reverse gullibility disorder.