#Slexit Movement Gains Momentum at Hogwarts

Wizard, Man, Magic, Beard, Sorcerer

The Internet – Inspired by Great Britain’s decision to leave the European Union, Slytherin House is making a push to leave the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and it appears that if the school allows them to leave then they will do so. This is a matter of deep contention for the proud wizarding school, so much so that it is unlikely to be mentioned on Pottermore unless the #slexit is final, but nonetheless it looks like Slytherin intends to leave.

According to Pureblood McNasty, which is the code name of one of the current prefects for Slytherin, the residence in question never really fit in with the others in Hogwarts. While the others tended toward the egalitarian and an aversion to the dark arts, Slytherin had always been the opposite. By that logic, Slytherin never really belonged in Hogwarts any more than the Dallas Cowboys belong in the NFL East. Neglecting to explain his surprising knowledge of American Football, McNasty continued by saying “Slytherin would be more at home at a school like Durmstrang, which shares a lot of our values and isn’t full of mudbloods. Or we could just break off entirely and make our own school of power-centered wizardry, as long as we’re not held back by all these goody two-shoes over here.”

The current headmaster of Hogwarts, who wouldn’t provide a name to muggle reporters but seems not to be Harry Potter, said Slytherin House could say what it wants but it is an important part of the school because early exposure to budding wizards of all sorts of backgrounds, even the ones who might be considered to be “a bad sort,” is an important part of education. Additionally, it’s better for kids who are sorted into Slytherin to be around as diverse of a population as possible so they have a better chance of really getting to know who they are rather than mindlessly going along the path which seemed to be chosen for them at birth.

Not-Harry-Potter’s explanation was paraphrased, as the actual speech was much longer and peppered with fancy wizard-talk which we didn’t bother to write down and wouldn’t have understood if we did. We did, however, understand the increasing tensions within the room, and got out of there before the argument switched to the magical variety.