Soros Admits To Causing Snowstorm

The Internet – The east coast of the United States of America got hit with a brutal snowstorm Thursday morning, and George Soros has apparently taken responsibility for the inclement weather.

In a semi-public statement only available to the most dedicated conspiracy theorists, Soros admitted he initially used his weather machine in the hopes Republicans in Congress might think the storm was punishment for their votes confirming highly unqualified and/or potentially dangerous Cabinet picks, but after the storm was already set in motion he realized the foolishness this logic. Congressional Republicans firmly believe God is a staunch conservative, so if anything they’d think the storm was punishment for the Democrats trying to reject those picks. So there was no other choice than to take responsibility for the storm.

Soros also addressed those who might doubt his possession of a weather machine, saying “of course I have a weather device. Just because I am fighting against Republican values rather than for personal gain, does that make me not a supervillain? I also have a shrink ray and sharks with laser beams on their heads, as is required for great villainy, but those would only be used in especially dire situations, such as the Department of Education being legislated out of existence.”

Soros’ statement, which you would be able to see in its entirety if you were more dedicated to the art of truth-seeking, also included a statement of intent to keep using the weather machine in the future. “There is no evidence of an angry God causing the storm,” he wrote, “but plenty of evidence it has been caused by an angry George Soros. And I am angry, and will likely continue to be angry as long as the so-called president continues his foolish foreign and domestic policies. And as long as I am angry, more artificial storms are possible, causing massive inconvenience for many businesses. And no authorities can prevent this without a change in policy. What are they going to do, arrest me? Changing the weather is not illegal, is it? It certainly won’t be if Scott Pruitt is put in charge of the EPA.”

So there you have it. George Soros is totally to blame for this morning’s storm, which is sure to upset a lot of people. However, one Twitter user and fellow supervillain was not upset, as shown by this supportive tweet: