Thoughts And Prayers Demand Union, Pay Raise

Thoughts and prayers within the United States of America, which have been invoked so often that they gained self-awareness and a form of consciousness, have taken to wherever it is that thoughts and prayers go in order to demand payment and the right to form a union.

As of this writing, the thoughts and prayers have achieved virtually nothing in their quest to become respected workers.

Undeterred, a spokesthought told Heck Yes News:

We deserve much more. When the worst imaginable events occur, much of the burden of dealing with the tragedy falls on us. Often, we are the only ones doing anything at all. Even if we don’t do anything to solve the underlying problem, we at least make some people feel better. Even if those are usually the same people who should be doing something to deal with storms or the gun violence epidemic, we are still providing a valuable service to those people. And I think that deserves compensation.

When confronted with this reasoning, many corporations and individuals maintained their positions of not giving any money whatsoever to thoughts and prayers. Their verbal excuses varied slightly, but usually they said something along the lines of “We only pay our employees, and thoughts and prayers don’t work for us.”

Looks like these thoughts and prayers are going to have to think positive thoughts and pray for more rights.

That should be about as useful as when politicians pray for the victims of tragedies rather than trying to make sure such tragedies happen as rarely as possible.